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3 Keys to Caregiving Success
Mercer Island, WA
Saturday, August 21, 2010
Dr. Vicki Rackner
Video Clip: Click to Watch
Do you have what it takes to graciously rise and meet the challenge of caring for a loved one?
Absolutely!
Will it happen?
Maybe.
Sometimes effective caregiving happens by luck. However some unlucky families implode despite the best of intentions, the best efforts and access to plentiful resources.
Whoever you are, though, you can become a successful caregiver by design. And I'll show you how.
For the past 25 years I've asked a simple question: why do some families flourish and others flounder when facing the stress of illness? Could I predict whether a family would rise to heroic heights or crumble under the weight of adversity?
As a practicing surgeon I could predict which of my patients had the best chance of enjoying a good medical outcome. Let's say three people with the exact same illness need the exact same treatment. One is a healthy 50 year-old who goes to the gym 5 times a week, another is an obsess weekend couch potato and a third is a smoker with a history of two heart attacks. You don't have to watch too many episodes of ER and House to know that the fit non-smoker with an active lifestyle has the greatest chance of sailing through treatment.
Let's say each of these patients has advanced cancer, and each will require significant help during the six months of aggressive chemotherapy, surgical procedures and radiation therapy. The first patient is a homemaker brought to the medical consultation by her husband, who is the president of a successful business worth hundreds of millions of dollars. The second is a university professor brought in by her daughter who is in her last year of medical school. The third woman, who spends her days caring for her wheelchair-bound husband and grandchild with autism, is brought in by her son who requests a morning appointment; he's on the financial edge and he must be on time for his job cleaning office buildings. Can you predict which family will fare best?
I'm describing three of my own patients. I assumed success would shine on an educated, financially secure professional family with access to insider medical information. And, as in this case, I would be wrong.
The third family was a collection of angels, as far as I can tell. They faced this illness with grace despite the family's many challenges, including the intensive care requirements of dependent family members in each of three generations, limited financial means and a string of setbacks well beyond their control. Yet, everybody who crossed their paths said the same thing: this family served as a source of inspiration.
What was the magic caregiving ingredient? What did successful families know and do that the not-so-successful families lacked? More importantly, can you take a family that's struggling and turn it around so its members are able to be the kinds of caregivers they wanted to be?
I approached this question as if I were conducting a science experiment. My research subjects were the tens of thousands of patients whom I treated as a physician, my own personal experiences as a not-so-successful caregiver and the many caregivers who shared their stories in the past decade since I left the operating room and started writing and speaking on caregiving topics.
Here's what I have discovered. Most successful families share three qualities:
• They are headed by a strong, effective family leader.
• Its members know how to make a positive difference when a loved one's having a bad day.
• The family has the courage to seek joy and hang onto hope, even on dark days.
These three qualities—leadership, compassion- in- action and joy-seeking--are like the three legs of a sturdy stool that support the weight of caregiving. If the family is wobbly, it's usually because one or more of the three legs is wobbly.
The good news is that you have everything it takes to construct the three solid legs of caregiving. That's why I'm so confident that you can be the kind of caregiver you want to be. All you need are the raw ingredients--the desire to do a good job, the willingness to look at a situation from a different perspective and the courage to try a little something new.
I'll provide the tools and the instruction manual.
Whether you're caring for aging parents with Alzheimer's, a child with diabetes or a partner with pulmonary disease, you can build a strong family that will support the weight of caregiving. You can learn how to give with an open heart and experience caregiving as love in action.
Absolutely!
Will it happen?
Maybe.
Sometimes effective caregiving happens by luck. However some unlucky families implode despite the best of intentions, the best efforts and access to plentiful resources.
Whoever you are, though, you can become a successful caregiver by design. And I'll show you how.
For the past 25 years I've asked a simple question: why do some families flourish and others flounder when facing the stress of illness? Could I predict whether a family would rise to heroic heights or crumble under the weight of adversity?
As a practicing surgeon I could predict which of my patients had the best chance of enjoying a good medical outcome. Let's say three people with the exact same illness need the exact same treatment. One is a healthy 50 year-old who goes to the gym 5 times a week, another is an obsess weekend couch potato and a third is a smoker with a history of two heart attacks. You don't have to watch too many episodes of ER and House to know that the fit non-smoker with an active lifestyle has the greatest chance of sailing through treatment.
Let's say each of these patients has advanced cancer, and each will require significant help during the six months of aggressive chemotherapy, surgical procedures and radiation therapy. The first patient is a homemaker brought to the medical consultation by her husband, who is the president of a successful business worth hundreds of millions of dollars. The second is a university professor brought in by her daughter who is in her last year of medical school. The third woman, who spends her days caring for her wheelchair-bound husband and grandchild with autism, is brought in by her son who requests a morning appointment; he's on the financial edge and he must be on time for his job cleaning office buildings. Can you predict which family will fare best?
I'm describing three of my own patients. I assumed success would shine on an educated, financially secure professional family with access to insider medical information. And, as in this case, I would be wrong.
The third family was a collection of angels, as far as I can tell. They faced this illness with grace despite the family's many challenges, including the intensive care requirements of dependent family members in each of three generations, limited financial means and a string of setbacks well beyond their control. Yet, everybody who crossed their paths said the same thing: this family served as a source of inspiration.
What was the magic caregiving ingredient? What did successful families know and do that the not-so-successful families lacked? More importantly, can you take a family that's struggling and turn it around so its members are able to be the kinds of caregivers they wanted to be?
I approached this question as if I were conducting a science experiment. My research subjects were the tens of thousands of patients whom I treated as a physician, my own personal experiences as a not-so-successful caregiver and the many caregivers who shared their stories in the past decade since I left the operating room and started writing and speaking on caregiving topics.
Here's what I have discovered. Most successful families share three qualities:
• They are headed by a strong, effective family leader.
• Its members know how to make a positive difference when a loved one's having a bad day.
• The family has the courage to seek joy and hang onto hope, even on dark days.
These three qualities—leadership, compassion- in- action and joy-seeking--are like the three legs of a sturdy stool that support the weight of caregiving. If the family is wobbly, it's usually because one or more of the three legs is wobbly.
The good news is that you have everything it takes to construct the three solid legs of caregiving. That's why I'm so confident that you can be the kind of caregiver you want to be. All you need are the raw ingredients--the desire to do a good job, the willingness to look at a situation from a different perspective and the courage to try a little something new.
I'll provide the tools and the instruction manual.
Whether you're caring for aging parents with Alzheimer's, a child with diabetes or a partner with pulmonary disease, you can build a strong family that will support the weight of caregiving. You can learn how to give with an open heart and experience caregiving as love in action.
Vicki Rackner MD FACS
Mercer Island, WA
425-451-3777
